Ellison River Gray

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The moment has arrived…our second son Ellison River Gray is here. He was born at 1:05am after a long and emotional labor. Jason and I could not be happier. Harper loves having a baby brother and each second with Ellison is a new experience for him. Seeing my two boys together is amazing and beyond words. I cannot wait to watch them grow up together and form a bond stronger than any force.

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This adoption was vastly different than our first. One of the hardest parts was the waiting for Ellison to be born. Harper was already born when we met his birth mother. The wait included being in the dark most of the time regarding all details of the pregnancy. This lead to such an emotional roller coaster, which we knew was bound to end, but it was hard to see that end in sight. I have to say that these last four months have been some of the hardest of my life. But, look what I have now. An amazing son to complete my family of four! Another boy…can you believe it. I am so out-numbered! lol

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Other than Ellison himself, the best gift of this entire situation is that their birth mother and I had the chance to get to know one another on such a deep level and really had a chance to bond. She is immensely important to me and always will be. I could not be more grateful for the time I was able to spend with her. She is an amazing woman who has  made my family life complete. She has changed my life in the best of ways forever and I will always love her.

Now, we plan on getting an attorney, going through 6 months of supervision and hopefully finalizing the adoption shortly after the end of the 6 months of supervision. I will keep you posted as our finalization is nearer.

Thank you all for your continued love and support of our family and for taking this journey with us though this blog that we started before Harper was even in our lives.

If you feel so inclined, please visit our GoFundMe page. We have a long road ahead ūüôā

https://www.gofundme.com/4rmsvmws

The choices are “simple”…

We are still in the waiting phase of our adoption process, but have been trying to keep busy with “life” in the meantime. We thought, at the time, that the home study process was the worst part. We were wrong. It is the complete lack of control and waiting to be matched with a child that is our undoing. It is truly a test of strength and desire. Our desire is strong and we are willing to wait for the child that is meant for us. We just hope it happens within a year. Longer just feels like torture. I am sure all adoptive parents felt this way at one time or another.

In the past month, we have taken a Transracial adoption class which was interesting. The book we were given, more so than the actual class, has been very insightful. For anyone considering transracial adoption, we highly recommend, “Inside Transracial Adoption” by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall. It will open your eyes to our culture and racism. There are many quotes in the book that made such an impact on us, but one of the main reasons we were attracted to this book was from what the inside of the cover jacket stated. “If a book could realistically carry a thirty-odd word title, then this book’s might be something like¬†How to Get to the Place Where It Feels Almost Fun to Let People Wonder How You and Your Kids Could So Clearly Belong to One Another When You Look So Different!. This resonated with us so strongly. It is something you fear and dwell upon. Not for our sake, but for the sake of our child. We do not want anything to hurt them, EVER, yet we know that racism is alive and well and that not all children are taught about the differences in families, how these families came to be, and that it is not the race that matters, it is the family. Not to say that adopting transracially is something anyone should go into without understanding the complexities of this type of adoption and being fully aware of what lifestyle changes it will bring and how your family will become a “public” family. On display for the world to see and judge. The main goal is to be ready and united for this journey together. Study, grow, change, live, and love together in the new multicultural family you have become. Teach your child their differences and why they are special. Embrace their culture and the cultures of others.¬†You can tell we are very passionate about this. We have much to learn, but are excited for our journey and the journey of our family.

We have also had a family member offer us the complete selfless gift of surrogacy. What an amazing individual to think so completely outside of themselves and offer something of such magnitude. Even though this offer was so dynamic, it did not take us long to know that this was not the path for our family. As we have stated before, nothing, other than the love we have for one another, has ever felt as right as our choice to start our family though adoption. We know the journey is long, but it is just the way we are meant to form our family. There are no doubts in our minds.

Until next time…

Approved and Waiting!

Our home study has officially been approved! What a relief after months of worrying. The home study process was extremely difficult and trying on our emotions. It is a very intimate process with all details of your life spelled out for both your social worker and your agency to analyze and judge if you would be fit to parent a child. We are beyond excited to say that we have been deemed fit to parent a child. The home study will remain current and active for one year. So, the search for our child begins…

We have an appointment with our adoption specialist later this month to discuss a bit more in detail what type of child we are hoping for. In the meantime, the agency will talk to birth mothers about us if they feel we would be a good match for their child. Our adoption specialist is looking over our final draft of our parent profile book as well, so we should be able to have that printed soon. This book is used to help the birthmothers choose a family for their child.

In the meantime, we have to wait. We are looking into independent adoption as well, but that involves finding a birthmother who is looking for an adoptive family for their unborn child. This seems like a very difficult task for us to find, but we are spreading the word just in case someone hears of a situation that would work for us. We have been told by so many people, including our adoption specialist, that the wait is the hardest part. We would have to agree. This is the part you feel you have no control of whatsoever and that is a hard thing to accept. We have been told to just keep ourselves busy,  but that does not make the longing for a child any less prominent in our minds. We still go into our nursery a few times a week and just imagine our child in their room. Time makes all of the difference, but we are also hoping for a little luck. We will keep you updated. Thank you for reading our journey!

Step 3

The wait is finally over to be issued our social worker! Such an exciting step in the process. Our first of four meetings is scheduled for May 21st.

The way the home study process works has been explained to us is like this… There are four meetings in order to complete the home study. Meeting one is with the both of us and will be in our home. At this meeting, the social worker is trying to get to know us as a couple and hear about how we got to this point in our lives. We also are to discuss what we envision our adopted child to be. Meeting two and three are with us individually. Meeting four is again with the both of us and back in our home. At this meeting we will re-address many of the topics we have covered already and check our home for safety standards.

Our social worker told us that the adoption process is a bunch of hurry up and wait. We are definitely feeling this and hope that the four meeting go as smoothly and timely as possible.

The wait can at times be so excruciating and emotionally painful. We have to remember that all good things come to those who wait.