“Where did you get it from?”
“Are you getting any more?”
“Where do you keep finding these babies to buy?”
“REAL mom…..REAL dad….”
“Are they REAL brothers?”
“Where are they from?”
This is just a snippet of questions I have been asked and comments that have been made to me since the birth of my second son, Ellison. My family is solid and we are bigger than this, but these words also have consequence and are hurtful.
What is it about my family that seems to give others an invisible free pass to say whatever comes to mind? We are not an adopted family…we are a REAL family. My kids were adopted at birth, yes, but they are not adopted any longer. They are my REAL kids. I am their REAL mom and Jason is their REAL dad. I am used to hearing a wide variety of questions and comments from others, but I NEED everyone to understand something. We are all REAL people with REAL feelings. I cannot have my children made to feel less about themselves in order to quench your curiosities. No matter how solid of a basis we give our children and how much love we have for them, their lives are going to be hard. They are two African American boys growing up in a world that does not view these beautiful and amazing boys as equal to their white peers. They are going to have to work harder, unnecessarily prove their worth and they do not need ridiculous question and comments about their rock, their family, while doing so. Please educate yourselves and your children on diverse families, adoption, black history and respect.
I am not meaning to sound angry, but I am very frustrated since the birth of my son, Ellison. Harper is going to be 4 in November and I would have thought that others would have come a lot further in their understanding and education of adoption than they apparently have. It is saddening and very concerning to say the least. People who I have known for years are still using inappropriate adoption language and asking inappropriate questions. Not to mention the extreme inequality I see on a daily basis between those who are pregnant or have birthed their children as opposed to me who has adopted my children. Whether it be the attention given to these people regarding their born/unborn white children, baby showers being huge events for them in the eyes of others, maternity leave…none of it is equal whether it is subconscious or not. All I have to do is think about my children and I feel pain because they are WORTH JUST AS MUCH AS ANY OTHER CHILD AND ARE JUST AS REAL. They are amazing and believe me, they will make their marks on the world. I will be there every step of the way to support them unconditionally and to celebrate them every day.
Words from a loving and concerned mom of two phenomenal boys …