We are still in the waiting phase of our adoption process, but have been trying to keep busy with “life” in the meantime. We thought, at the time, that the home study process was the worst part. We were wrong. It is the complete lack of control and waiting to be matched with a child that is our undoing. It is truly a test of strength and desire. Our desire is strong and we are willing to wait for the child that is meant for us. We just hope it happens within a year. Longer just feels like torture. I am sure all adoptive parents felt this way at one time or another.
In the past month, we have taken a Transracial adoption class which was interesting. The book we were given, more so than the actual class, has been very insightful. For anyone considering transracial adoption, we highly recommend, “Inside Transracial Adoption” by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall. It will open your eyes to our culture and racism. There are many quotes in the book that made such an impact on us, but one of the main reasons we were attracted to this book was from what the inside of the cover jacket stated. “If a book could realistically carry a thirty-odd word title, then this book’s might be something like How to Get to the Place Where It Feels Almost Fun to Let People Wonder How You and Your Kids Could So Clearly Belong to One Another When You Look So Different!. This resonated with us so strongly. It is something you fear and dwell upon. Not for our sake, but for the sake of our child. We do not want anything to hurt them, EVER, yet we know that racism is alive and well and that not all children are taught about the differences in families, how these families came to be, and that it is not the race that matters, it is the family. Not to say that adopting transracially is something anyone should go into without understanding the complexities of this type of adoption and being fully aware of what lifestyle changes it will bring and how your family will become a “public” family. On display for the world to see and judge. The main goal is to be ready and united for this journey together. Study, grow, change, live, and love together in the new multicultural family you have become. Teach your child their differences and why they are special. Embrace their culture and the cultures of others. You can tell we are very passionate about this. We have much to learn, but are excited for our journey and the journey of our family.
We have also had a family member offer us the complete selfless gift of surrogacy. What an amazing individual to think so completely outside of themselves and offer something of such magnitude. Even though this offer was so dynamic, it did not take us long to know that this was not the path for our family. As we have stated before, nothing, other than the love we have for one another, has ever felt as right as our choice to start our family though adoption. We know the journey is long, but it is just the way we are meant to form our family. There are no doubts in our minds.
Until next time…